What’s my why?
Recently, I have felt incredibly inspired, feeling this surge of energy pulsing through my body. I have been connecting with my hula hoop in a way that I haven’t felt in almost 2 years. Now, why after 2 years of being in a slump am I now reconnecting?
Here’s why: I have created the space for me to really think about why I started this in the first place.
If you’ve been following my journey since the beginning, you may already know that I have suffered from depression on and off throughout my life. Hoop dancing was a way for me to face my inner demons by expressing myself through dance. It has been a truly healing process. I have also found that sharing this with other people, bringing a new skill and form of self-expression to other people brings a sort of healing to me, far beyond my own practice. And for a long time, I lost sight of that.
Going through divorce, finding my footing in single-parenthood, an unhealthy relationship right after said divorce, to the ugly break up that quickly followed - I lost sight of myself, who I truly am, and what I really wanted to do. I didn’t find the space for my creativity. I didn’t allow myself to. I think a lot of us have a tendency to beat ourselves up when things don’t go the way we planned - especially after a divorce with children. I tore myself up.
I had really let go of my dream of sharing hoop dancing with my community - despite what my Facebook profile stated.
It wasn’t until I really stepped back and “cut the fat” from my life. The fluff, the extra stuff, all the things that took away from what mattered most to me. It was hard deciphering what those things were, I tell you what.
I knew that at the core of my life, I have my children, my best friend who is like a sister, and my self-care, which included hooping, writing, and more recently - music. I resigned as a board member from an amazing non-profit in town where I actually began performing and got my start booking myself as a professional hoop dancer. I had to step down from another dream that I had applied so much of my soul into, planning a hooping event that changed many people’s lives. I had to step away because it took away from the core of my life - my time and attention that my children needed from me. And as I let these people and things go, time and space opened up.
Now that the dust has settled and I’ve been recently inspired by empowering and educational podcasts for female entrepreneurs, I am revamping my story. I have always known, since I was a child that I had a purpose, despite being told otherwise growing up. I have an energy and a light in me that is intended to be shared.
During one of these podcasts, they asked, “what is your why?”. I paused the podcast and really put some thought into this. If you look at my bio, it says that it’s my intention to share the joys of the hula hoop with my community and to rescue people from the chains of mundane life. But it goes beyond that. As I brainstormed some more, here’s what I came up with:
What’s my why?
As adults we get so caught up in our responsibilities and expectations, and we get stuck. We lose that childlike wonder and excitement. We get stressed out, we check our to-do lists, we work constantly, and then we feel guilty when we try to make time for ourselves - if ever that time exists. I did that before I found hula hooping and when I started playing and learning, I felt happier, less edgy, and more inspired to share hoop dancing with others. I went through the toughest couple years of my life recently, and as that happened, I found myself right back to where I was before I found hoop dancing. Life has a funny way of keeping us aligned, right? As if the Universe was like, yeah, those hooping videos are nice and people are impressed, but that’s not what you’re here for, Nat. You’re not here to share hooping videos, you’re here to share a message. I sit here today, recently inspired, a single mama of two awesome kids, who works full time, and has the weight of adulthood on her shoulders, who has figured out the formula to living a balanced life - not stress-free, but balanced. The key to it is PLAY! So, now I ask you… did you make time to play today?